We took a trip to Nashville to celebrate the end of egg retrievals, and what we hoped was the end of our “DINK” (dual income no kids) life.
We smiled. We laughed. We started to enjoy life again. Maybe we had to learn patience and give up our desire to plan. Maybe we had to go through pain in order to fully experience the joy that was about to come. Although everyone knew we were going through fertility treatments, no one knew that we were in a position to transfer an embryo back in. We chose to keep the number of embryos we had quiet from now on in order to avoid conversations about our next steps. Even if only for a moment, it finally felt private. It finally felt normal.
We met with the Dr. and her resident who joked about wanting to know if we wanted 6 kids, because having 6 PGS embryos was incredibly good odds! I questioned my original diagnosis of “Diminished Ovarian Reserve” because my ability to create the quantity of eggs and genetically normal embryos seemed beyond the scope of what they said was possible for that condition. I asked if it only appeared that my egg quality was lacking due to the mass on my ovary and the fact that it had taken over. The Dr answered “we just don’t know” and looked at her resident and said “that would make a great case study for your thesis”. So I guess science has not quite caught up with cases such as mine?!
The preparation for a frozen embryo transfer was so much easier than an egg retrieval. Day one of my cycle, I started taking estrogen, and came back in a few days for a sonohysterogram (an imaging study of the uterus where Dr inserts fluid into the uterus via the cervix to examine its lining-which was normal). After a couple weeks, I went back to the clinic where they took a blood draw and checked my uterine lining. Everything looked great and they told us I could start using my progesterone suppositories, and after 5 days – transfer!
The doctor said that we had pretty good odds because we had a genetically tested embryo and a good looking uterine lining (I never guessed I would receive that kind of compliment).
You are instructed to drink lots of water before hand so that your bladder is full and they can see a better image on screen. I signed consent to be part of a study that collects data on frozen transfers of PGS tested embryos, so I had some extra blood work once I arrived. They call you up to the procedure room and there is a nurse, doctor, and an embryologist in a small window. My original Dr would be performing the transfer and it only seemed fitting that she was the one who began our infertility journey, and she was now the one who was about to end it. We were excited to see her and she let us know that she follows our case closely (which just warmed my heart). Once you are in position, the embryologist hands the doctor a long narrow catheter and the Dr places it carefully inside. You can see a tiny flicker of white light as the embryo is placed in your uterus. In that moment, I feel like my baby is finally “home”.We transferred one embryo. When we got back to the car, “Here Comes Your Girl” was playing on the radio and we joked that it was a sign we were having a girl. (because of PGS testing, we have the option of knowing what the gender is, but we do not want to – we have waited this long, what is a little longer?) They gave us the top of the petri dish that our frozen embryo was being stored in, and we took pictures. We had even brought our 2 fake dogs along for the ride (long story).
I even started to get excited at the idea of being able to surprise others with our announcement. I could tell my parents and my brother the week after their baby shower. How cute would it be to get them a onesie that said “BIG COUSIN”? I would be going back to teaching right around the 12 week mark, so it was perfect timing to be able to share our news with colleagues. Our due date was Saint Patrick’s Day, and I got a kick out of that because Jeff’s family is very Italian and my family is very Irish.
We were finally experiencing joy. I finally started feeling like myself again. I was back in the high life again.
“I’ll be back in the high life again
All the doors I closed one time will open up again
I’ll be back in the high life again
All the eyes that watched us once will smile and take me in
And I’ll drink and dance with one hand free
Let the world back into me and on I’ll be a sight to see
Back in the high life again”
Back in the High Life by Steve Winwood
breakdown and rally 