Rise Up – November 2019 – breakdown and rally

We had one more appointment with our clinic to talk about our current status. Dr. L noted that although the previous specialist suggested a uterine surgery to clear adenomyosis, she did not agree with that assessment. She said that any surgery to the uterus can prove to be risky because it could damage the uterine lining. She also stated that his notes indicated that he had retracted the remaining 5% of scar tissue from my uterus, therefore the issue of scar tissue was finally (after 7 months) resolved. She suggested that prior to moving on to a gestational carrier, perhaps we try one more time in my uterus, since it was now cleared. She still recommended a natural transfer with embryo glue and Lovenox, and was confident that was worth a try. We decided that before spending tens of thousands to over a hundred thousand dollars on a carrier (either from the agency or a friend) we would give this Dr. and this clinic one chance with one embryo. The only thing I needed to do was call the clinic when my next cycle was here.

In the past, we have always been so excited leading up to transfer day. However, we knew all too well how that excitement can come crashing down, and therefore we treated this one differently. We viewed this transfer as another step in the process, one that allowed us to say that we truly tried everything, before finally closing this chapter, and moving on to a gestational carrier.

Around this time, a co-worker bought we a beautiful prayer shawl from her church, that included a sweet prayer. It made me smile, not only because she thought of me, but also because the priest whose name was on it was our former priest.

Before we knew it, my cycle started sooner than I had anticipated.
11/23 – go in for bloodwork to prove I am not pregnant to start.
11/25 – go in for bloodwork (progesteron, estradiol, and LH surge to check for ovulation)
and ultrasound to monitor follicles. I get the phone call in the afternoon that says come back in two days.
11/27 – go in for bloodwork (progesteron, estradiol, and LH surge to check for ovulation)
and ultrasound to monitor follicles. I get the phone call in the afternoon that says in exactly one week, take your trigger shot at night, start progesterone suppositories on 11/30, and transfer is scheduled for 12/4 in Waltham. I am amazed that this is all it takes! Every other transfer seemed so cumbersome and invasive.

We booked our hotel for 12/3, so that we were close to the clinic and ready the next morning. This time we were both feeling exhausted, and decided to just stop for a pizza instead of a fancy dinner on the North End. After our pizza date, Jeff stopped to buy a powerball ticket at a small gas station, and we made our way to the hotel. We fell asleep easily and the next morning Jeff woke up early to get some work done. It was time for my first Lovenox injection, and I read stories about it feeling like a bee sting and leaving massive bruises. Jeff went and got me some hotel ice wrapped in a plastic bag, as I tried to talk psych myself up for the injection. 3-2-1-ouch! I can understand the bee sting analogy, and I think I would agree.

We took a few pictures in the hotel in anticipation and made our way to the clinic early so I could enjoy 30 minutes of acupuncture.

Once I was finished, we waited in the lobby for only a few minutes. They called us into the room, and the nurse came in to direct me to “undress from the waste down.” When she returned, I was sitting on the table and the Doctor and the embryologist reviewed my bracelet and embryo thawing paper to ensure that I was in fact the correct recipient of our embryo. I laid back as the catheter went in, and we watched on the screen (for the 5th time) the amazing science of an embryo being placed inside my uterus. The moment that it lands, you can see a flash of white light, and the Dr. removes the catheter and gives it to the embryologist to check under a microscope to confirm the embryo is no longer in there. Then, they wished us luck, and sent us on our way with the first embryo picture we have ever received. We are officially 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

Before leaving the clinic, I relaxed for 30 more minutes in the acupuncture center, and then we headed home…to wait the dreaded ten days until beta day. During those days, I prayed to God that if his answer was not a “yes”, then could he please make it a quick “no” because I don’t know if my heart could handle any version of limbo.

“You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you“